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<title>What Do You Love If You Don't Love Yourself? by swampslip</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26517835">What Do You Love If You Don't Love Yourself?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip'>swampslip</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Exhibitionism, F/F, Finger Sucking, First Time, No cheating, Tender Sex, Tenderness, Touch-Starved, Vaginal Fingering, Voyeurism, chapter two-ish, lowkey hate that i can't just say abigail roberts, slight john bashing but it's just about his lack of good dicking im sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:00:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26517835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Mrs. Adler,” Abigail says softly, “Will you join me?”</p><p>“Jesus, Abigail,” Sadie mutters but stumbles closer and drops to her knees at Abigail’s feet.</p><p>Abigail studies the older woman for a moment, then pulls her other leg up as well, hiking her skirts around her waist and splaying herself open. </p><p>Sliding two fingers along her slit, dragging slick up to her clit and rubbing slowly. </p><p>“You can touch,” Abigail murmurs, “If you want.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sadie Adler/Abigail Roberts Marston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aldrig/gifts">Aldrig</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/62Ly3y42cikrUI9oWMffOc?si=txxcTFGLSsKjg7291GiPrg">Help Yourself by Bryde</a><br/>why did it take me this long to write sadigail smut idk</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“He just- Doesn’t know,” Abigail scowls and gestures vaguely with her cup, “I think I was his first.”</p><p>Sadie laughs slightly and sips her own coffee. </p><p>“I mean, I try n’ guide him, he’s just,” Abigail scowls deeper, “Clueless.”</p><p>“I’m sure you can take care of yourself,” Sadie shrugs, “If he’s helpless, you gotta help yourself.”</p><p>Abigail’s lips purse lightly and she looks over at the other fire where some of the men of camp are seated, then sighs softly. </p><p>“You know he… We <em>ain’t</em> really, not anymore.”</p><p>“Sure,” Sadie says gently. </p><p>“For Jack, ‘course, but… On <em>that</em> level,” Abigail mutters under her breath and shrugs, “Can’t never get privacy ‘round here anyway.”</p><p>“... I’m sure you could,” Sadie says slowly, “If you set it up.”</p><p>“What?” Abigail huffs, “You gon’ stand guard for me?”</p><p>Sadie shifts in her chair, rubs her palms down the tops of her pant legs. </p><p>“I could.”</p><p>Abigail stares at her incredulously, then glances off to the side. </p><p>“Jack’s already down for the night,” Abigail whispers, “In with the ladies, he sleeps better in there.”</p><p>“John’s tent.”</p><p>“Oh, Jesus,” Abigail mutters, “Yeah, he’s off on somethin’ with Arthur. I suppose it’s not…”</p><p>Sadie swallows carefully then nods towards John’s tent. </p><p>“Go ‘head,” Sadie murmurs, “I’ll come after you in a moment, make sure no one’s… Lurkin’.”</p><p>“Really?” Abigail grins at her mischievously, “Gosh, ain’t done anythin’ like this in… Well-”</p><p>“Go,” Sadie jerks her head towards the tent again. </p><p>Abigail squeezes the older woman’s shoulder as she passes and Sadie looks up at the stars for help with how hopelessly taken she feels by this younger woman. </p><p>--</p><p>“Miss Roberts,” Sadie whispers, tapping on the main post, “Near everyone’s gone to bed… Do you want me to-”</p><p>“You can come in,” She hears Abigail say, just a touch out of breath. </p><p>Swallows her resolve and glances behind her one more time before slipping between the canvas flaps and blinking at the sight in front of her. </p><p>Abigail, with her corset off and to the side, shift falling off her shoulders and skirts yanked up and twisted around her hips as she sits on the edge of John’s cot, hand disappearing under the layers of fabric in her lap. </p><p>“Oh- You-” Sadie stutters lightly and drops her gaze to the hide on the ground. </p><p>“Tie it shut,” Abigail says breathily, “The tent.”</p><p>Her head is bowed and some hairs have escaped that little up-do of hers, curling around her neck. </p><p>Beads of sweat reflecting the lamplight. </p><p>Sadie ties the tent flaps shut without much thought, just following the order. </p><p>“I…” </p><p>“Gosh, Mrs. Adler,” Abigail muffles a quiet sound and Sadie can hear the wet squelching of fingers pumping in and out, “Haven’t gotten the chance to do this in so long.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Sadie asks hoarsely, clears her throat and moves into the corner, sitting herself on a little stump for a stool, “Glad to be of service.”</p><p>Abigail lets out a breathy laugh that dissolves into a soft whine, her back arching, hips tilting into the stimulation of her own fingers. </p><p>Sadie stares. </p><p>She doesn’t really mean to, just gets caught up in watching Abigail chew at her lips when she’s trying to stay quiet before they part unwillingly, wet and shining when the younger woman does something that looks like it feels particularly good. </p><p>Sadie crosses her arms loosely, drops her gaze again with her jaw set firmly as to keep herself from saying anything foolish. </p><p>“You could, as well,” Abigail whispers, “If you want.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I ain’t makin’ any assumptions ‘bout…” Abigail trails off and gives the older woman a small small, “Well, maybe I am makin’ a few assumptions.”</p><p>“... Miss Roberts,” Sadie whispers.</p><p>“C’mon, call me Abigail,” The younger woman says then ducks her head slightly, draws up one leg onto the mattress, “Please.”</p><p>Sadie lets out a sharp breath and starts to stand up.</p><p>“<em>Abigail</em>, look I know you said you ain’t really-” Sadie swallows and realizes she has to step close before she can step towards the tent flaps and stills, looking at the younger woman, “What do you want from <em>me?”</em></p><p>“Dangerous question,” Abigail says on a breath then lifts her head, chest heaving as she looks up into Sadie’s eyes, “You willin’ to give me anythin’?”</p><p>Sadie starts to shake her head then closes her eyes and nods. </p><p>She can bury every inkling of guilt, just tonight. </p><p>“Mrs. Adler,” Abigail says softly, “Will you join me?”</p><p>“Jesus, Abigail,” Sadie mutters but stumbles closer and drops to her knees at Abigail’s feet.</p><p>Abigail studies the older woman for a moment, then pulls her other leg up as well, hiking her skirts around her waist and splaying herself open. </p><p>Sliding two fingers along her slit, dragging slick up to her clit and rubbing slowly. </p><p>“You can touch,” Abigail murmurs, “If you want.”</p><p>“I…” Sadie falters, voice catching on a deeper hoarseness.</p><p>A distinct anxiety, inexperience.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Abigail whispers and reaches down, guiding Sadie’s hand to rest on her inner thigh, gently ghosting her fingers over the backs of the older woman’s fingers.</p><p>“What can I-?”</p><p>“I’m open to most things, Mrs. Adler,” Abigail says gently and slips the fingers of her other hand back inside herself, “You thinkin’ anythin’ in particular?”</p><p>“Sadie,” Sadie says roughly, twists her hand to grab at Abigail’s thigh, brings her other hand up, mirroring the touch on Abigail’s other thigh. </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You can… You can call me <em>Sadie</em>.”</p><p>“Oh,” Abigail whispers and bites her lips to keep down a smile, “Well, <em>Sadie</em>, you got any ideas?”</p><p>Sadie shifts on her knees and leans in, pressing her lips in a soft kiss against the inside of Abigail’s knee, pulling back and looking up at Abigail to gauge the younger woman’s reaction. </p><p>Abigail’s lips are parted, cheeks flushed as she stares down at Sadie. </p><p>“S’that alright?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Abigail says shakily, “Awful soft of you, Mrs- Sadie.”</p><p>“Do you like soft?”</p><p>“I do,” Abigail swallows and slips her fingers out of herself. </p><p>She hesitates then brings her slicked fingertips to Sadie’s lips. </p><p>“Damn,” Sadie bites out then opens her mouth and wraps her lips around Abigail’s fingers, eyes closing tight as she tastes the younger woman. </p><p>Abigail lets out a soft, delighted laugh and slides down off the bed and into Sadie’s lap. </p><p>“You like soft, Sadie?” Abigail whispers and presses her face into Sadie’s neck, tugging the handkerchief out of the way to leave a trail of kisses down the older woman’s neck. </p><p>Sadie hums around the younger woman’s fingers and pulls off, her head falling forward onto Abigail’s shoulder. </p><p>“I do,” Sadie says hoarsely and moves her hands to squeeze Abigail’s hips under the skirts, tugging the younger woman closer, pressing her cheek to Abigail’s collarbone, “Lord, I do.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Abigail reaches behind the older woman and slowly untangles the braid in Sadie’s hair, combing her fingers through the honey-blonde strands.</p><p>“You alright?” Abigail whispers. </p><p>“Just… Haven’t felt like this, in a while,” Sadie says roughly, clears her throat softly, gently rubs her hands up and down Abigail’s thighs, relishing in the way warm flesh feels. </p><p>Tiny hairs, little bumps, scars, veins. </p><p>A human under her hands, a <em>lover</em>. </p><p>“Too much?” </p><p>“No- I-”  Sadie swallows and pulls back, looking up at Abigail in her lap, “It’s good.”</p><p>Abigail tussles the older woman’s hair then slides her fingers into the strands, cupping the back of Sadie’s skull. </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Abigail murmurs, gaze lingering at Sadie’s shiny lips before meeting the older woman’s eyes. </p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Abigail huffs softly in amusement and presses her lips to Sadie’s gently. </p><p>Sadie grips at Abigail’s thighs and feels the younger woman gasp into the kiss, slowly taking over, controlling the pace and intensity. </p><p>Moving her hand around to Abigail’s front, dragging her fingers down through the dark curls and resting the backs of her knuckles against Abigail’s warmth and wetness. </p><p>“Alright?” Sadie asks hoarsely, moving to press her lips to Abigail’s jaw, then the front of her throat as Abigail’s head falls back, the younger woman grinding down on the too-faint stimulation. </p><p>“Inside, c’mon,” Abigail begs softly and moves her hands to Sadie’s shoulders, steadying herself. </p><p>Sadie slips one finger in, then two, crooking them towards herself and letting the knuckle of her thumb catch on Abigail’s clit. </p><p>Abigail lets out a small sound, hips tilting into the stimulation. </p><p>“Sometimes…” Sadie starts, falters, swallows thickly, “I used to think about this, when I was younger… Bein’ with another woman.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“How warm… And <em>soft</em>,”  Sadie whispers, dragging her fingertips along the walls inside Abigail until she finds that tender spot that makes the younger woman clench around her fingers. </p><p>“<em>Sadie</em>,” Abigail moves her hands to the button closure of Sadie’s shirt, “Can <em>I?”</em></p><p>“Mm,” Sadie nods slowly, moves her other hand up, tucking her fingers behind the hem of Abigail’s shift, “Can I?”</p><p>Abigail makes a low, eager sound then bites down on a whine when Sadie’s fingers start to pump in and out of her. </p><p>She works open the older woman’s shirt as Sadie pulls her shift down, tucking it under the fullness of Abigail’s breasts. </p><p>“Damn,” Sadie says on a breath and looks up as she leans in, pressing her lips to the top of one breast, her fingers conforming to the shape, cupping underneath and lifting it lightly, exhaling shakily. </p><p>“You got… A lotta scars,” Abigail whispers as her fingers roam over the marks that peek out around the edges of the undershirt. </p><p>“Said I didn’t have it easy,” Sadie mumbles then squeezes Abigail’s breast and presses her lips to the younger woman’s nipple, sucking and looking up at Abigail’s eyes. </p><p>Abigail’s chest is heaving lightly and she clenches around Sadie’s fingers.</p><p>“Jesus,” Abigail whispers, “Didn’t think you’d be so…”</p><p>“Mm?” Sadie hums and presses her tongue to Abigail’s nipple before pulling back to speak, rolling the weight of Abigail’s breast in her hand, “What?”</p><p>“Eager or… <em>Good</em>-” Abigail gasps when Sadie’s fingers crook inside her, stroke along her walls, “Most the time women… Who haven’t- They’re shy ‘bout it, takin’ what they want.”</p><p>“Makin’ up for lost time,” Sadie murmurs and bites the top of Abigail’s breast, sucking hard to leave a mark, “Thought about it… A lot.”</p><p>Abigail huffs softly then groans quietly, shoving at Sadie’s shirt and dragging her palms over the tops of the older woman’s shoulders until she’s cupping either side of Sadie’s neck. </p><p>“Another- Add-” Abigail begs, voice breathy and hesitant between them. </p><p>Sadie makes a low sound in her throat and lifts her head from Abigail’s chest to look up at the younger woman, adding a third finger. </p><p>Abigail bites at her lower lip then leans in and kisses the older woman gently, her thumbs brushing over the edges of Sadie’s jaw as she rocks her hips lightly, grinding down. </p><p>Sadie hums into the kiss, more familiar territory than anything else they’re doing, tilting her chin up and sliding her free hand down to grip Abigail’s waist. </p><p>She carefully pulses her fingertips against that tender spot inside Abigail and the younger woman pulls back to exhale roughly, leaning her forehead against Sadie’s as the older woman keeps up the stimulation and gently nudges her thumb back and forth over Abigail’s clit. </p><p>“Shit,” Abigail whispers, “<em>Oh</em>, you’re good at this.”</p><p>Sadie snorts a soft laugh and brushes her lips against Abigail’s cheek. </p><p>“Yeah?” Sadie whispers and crooks her fingers a little harder, fucking them into Abigail just a bit faster, feeling slick running down her fingers, “How long’s it been since he got you off?”</p><p>“Not- <em>Shit</em>-” Abigail whispers and almost whimpers when the pad of Sadie’s thumb presses against her clit, “Sadie-”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Sadie,” Abigail whispers again, more urgent, steadying herself by moving her hands to the older woman’s shoulders as her hips tilt into the touch, back arching, “Oh Lord- I’m gonna-”</p><p>Sadie leans in and presses her forehead against Abigail’s sternum, leaning her cheek against the younger woman’s soft breast as she pushes Abigail over the edge and keeps her fingers moving, listening to Abigail’s fluttering heartbeat as the younger woman quietly begs her name between gasps and curses. </p><p>Abigail clenching around her fingers, grinding down on them, fucking herself through her orgasm, and biting down on her whimpers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aldrig is hosting an rdr sapphic week next month! more info <a href="https://rdrsapphicweek.tumblr.com">here~</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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